TESTIMONY TEA TIME!

Could you imagine living a life where everyone thought you were naïve and misjudged. Don’t get me wrong — you can be blinded because you look for the light in everybody’s darkness. You care about people. You hope people do good in life, have fun, and be happy. A lot of times, that can turn into people hating you and dismissing you for whatever reasons. 

I’m at a point in my life where I’m starting another new chapter — one of better peace, calmness, and stability. You try to help others the best way you know how, but I’ve been called a villain in someone’s story or an angel who has helped them. Have I made mistakes? Oh yes, I’ve made mistakes. Everyone has an angel and a devil on their shoulder, right? But do you learn from them is the question? Take accountability? No one is perfect in this world. 

I’ve helped a lot of people in my life — listened to their stories and tried to give the best advice I could. When you grow up in an unstable home, you learn a lot. You can either join them and be bad too, or try to help others so they don’t go through what you’ve gone through.

In the last four years, I’ve gone through more than I’ve ever heard anyone go through all at once. But I guess I had to experience all that to understand people — to truly see who they are. I watched people I thought were protectors in my life turn their backs on me in a heartbeat.

When you’re the kind of person who would give the shirt off your back to anyone — even if you were fighting the day before — you still help them the next day. I understand what it’s like to feel certain feelings, and I would never want anyone else to feel that way. So I always try to lift people up. That has backfired on me so many times in my life, and I never understood why. I guess I’m starting to grow up and learn.

There’s still a lot I don’t know. I’m learning and healing every day. Going through a divorce, handling life, home life, and my kids alone could throw anyone into a dark hole — especially with everything that happened. All I was doing was searching to be happy again, looking for friends, love, and a new life, while also trying not to leave anyone behind. While kicking and screaming the whole way to stay in certain peoples lives. Now I’ve learned it’s you cue to leave. People come in your life for how ever long and is it for a blessing or a lesson.

I used to be very quiet, just observing people, always afraid to make someone mad. I was a people pleaser. I grew up in a home where you couldn’t express yourself and were basically on your own with minimal guidance. I looked at what my parents did and tried to do the opposite, while keeping the good they gave me as my morals.

I went through a lot with my family. Then I thought I escaped when I married. I had three beautiful children and gained what I thought was a soul family. Then everything went south. I reconnected with old high school friends because when I got married, I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else from my past. I also met new people along the way who showed me there was a life out there I had been closed off from.

Whether it was karma, healing my inner child and inner teenager, and fought through it. I’ve had relationship issues, evicted because my place was infested with bats, lost my mother after not speaking to her for seven years, and had to make peace with that before she passed. Even my job kicked me while I was down. Lost so many connections that had deep meaning to me. Might not of been blood but I considered them family. Yet I still tried to find joy in it — until last year, when I finally sat in a hole and just watched people. And oh boy, did I see some things.

I worked on myself, my connections,and my profession while dealing with some of the weirdest experiences of my life. Wish I had a body cam on at times. Was like the twilight zone at times. But always tried to find fun through all the confusion. People who know me have heard my crazy, ironic stories. Yes am I weird sure, why be we all be the same cookie cut outs in life. I use to hide that side of me because I knew I would be made fun of. But my closes connections see that side of me. The hardest part of all of it was people laughing in my face, mocking me, and calling me names behind my back when I was just trying to survive and help others along the way. It’s human nature when going through so many things to put up walls, get angry, or spin out to make sense of it all at times who wouldn’t.

That kind of toxicity will consume anyone at some point. The games and manipulation I experienced from so many people — including my own family — were things I did not deserve. It’s a hard pill to swallow when so many people side against you. When everyone knew what you were going through only cause you have a big mouth.

So what do you do? You grieve. You heal. You keep pushing forward every single day, hoping new people will come into your life who lift you up. 

There has to be more to this world than what we’re going through. The world feels cruel sometimes — power and money seem to take over, and people lose their sense of connection. We can blame the government, healthcare, or a hundred other topics. But it starts with each individual.

Did you help someone today? Or did you try to make someone else’s life more miserable?

We’re all in this world together. Why be against each other? Just some food for thought today.